Harry Potter and the Great Monty Python Incident
by Engel-des-Todes
Summary: What happens when you mix Monty Python and Harry Potter? Should be funny. Rated just incase.


Wow

Ok, so I know I should be working on my other stories… but this just poped up and wouldn't go away. So how could I refuse.

Disclaimer: No I do not own Harry Potter or Monty Python, but man I wish I did. ; )  
 

Harry Potter and the Great Monty Python Incident

Harry Potter was ecstatic; he had just received his own copy of "The Complete Monty Python's Flying Circus" by owl post. Thereby completing his Monty Python DVD collection. Harry now had every single bit of Python on DVD you could possibly own, right down to the very last piece of fresh fruit. Surprisingly enough Harry had grown to love the Pythons and all they are about at the Dursley's. Dudley used to watch their TV show, Monty Python's Flying Circus, occasionally. That is until Petunia and Vernon found out. Apparently said show was not in the least bit appropriate for a growing boy. In one sense the Dursley's were right, for once. Monty Python wasn't the most appropriate thing a 10 year old could watch, but hey, funny is funny. Right? Well, needless to say the Dursley's did not agree and all Python watching was thereafter discontinued and consequently, forgotten by all.

Well not everyone. Harry never forgot. Once Harry had his own apartment, shortly after school had finished and Voldie defeated, he set out to fulfill his Python needs. Finally after a good 3 months of searching and agonizingly waiting for owls, his collection was complete! He could now watch Monty Python to his hearts content. Which is exactly what he did.

We come into the story about 2 weeks later. Harry's friends hadn't seen hide nor hair of Harry since the last portion of his collection had been completed. This worried them. Of Harry's friends, Hermione was the only one who knew of the Pythons, seeing as she was the only muggle born of them all. Or that is what they all thought anyway, nobody ever knows what was going on through Dumbledore's head. In fact rumor has it, Dumbledore himself doesn't know half the time.

Harry's group of friends was not exactly what you would have expected from the younger Harry from his school years. His friends included Ron Weasley, Hermione Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Ginny Longbottom, Remus Lupin, Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape (That's professor Snape to you!), Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Rubeus Hagrid, and a few odd others here and there. Harry had kept up with his friends from his school years, and many of his teachers. The biggest surprises were Draco and Severus due to the long history of hostility. This phenomenon happened during the war of course, Draco came to the light side and Harry trained with Severus leading to life long friendship, yada yada, blah blah, you fill in the clichéd enemies becoming friends story. Whatever, one of Harry's many friends usually heard from Harry once every other day or so. Not because Harry is a ninny and cant live on his own, but because of his strong friendships.

So, back to the Potter crisis. Hermione being the only one to know of Monty Python knew of its addictive-ness. She herself was not affected, not because she didn't think they were funny, but because she had more important things to do than sit and watch TV all day. Although she would occasionally quote Monty Python when Harry was around. The two of them would crack up and anyone with them would have, of course, missed the vague reference and stare at them as if they had lost their minds. All but Dumbledore who would sit and twinkle his eyes, bloody eyes. Then either Harry or Hermione would go into a long explanation and confuse everyone even more.

Thanks to Hermione's uber logical thinking, Harry's friends came to the conclusion that Harry's long awaited DVD things had come in and Harry had either died from Python overdose, or was happily spending 24/7 watching Python. Thus brings us to the main story, the visitation of Harry's closest friends and the meeting of the Pythons.

Hermione, Ron, Draco, and Severus apperated to Harry's apartment in London, landing outside his door, but inside the wards to keep muggles prying eyes away. Draco and Ron, who still did not get along to well, bickered about who would knock on the door. Until Severus pushed past them and knocked for them, and knocked, and knocked, and knocked. Well you get the point Harry did not answer the door. Just as Ron was getting ready to blast the door down Harry finally came to the door. Harry was dressed in an odd assortment of clothes. He had on bunny slippers, which oddly enough had pointed teeth, a Spamalot t-shit, whatever a Spamalot was, jeans with various odd phrases, and was holding a blue parrot toy. Hermione immediately started laughing hysterically, while the others looked on in confusion.

"What? I'm busy! Do you need anything? Yes… no… Ok bye!" said Harry as he tried to close the door in their faces.

"It would be kind of you to invite us in. We did, after all, come all the way over here to see you." replied Severus while he blocked the door and prevented it from closing.

"Fine, fine, come in. This had better be good." said Harry as he ushered them in.

"No Potter, it's not at all important. All of us just decided to have a party on your front step. Did we bother you? Oh, nice clothes by the way." drawled Draco.

"What's with the Parrot Harry? asked Ron.

"Gee thanks… If you done insulting me Draco, I would like to get a move on with this meeting. I do have stuff to do. It's a dead parrot Ron." replied Harry.

"Of course its dead. It's a stuffed children's toy. What did you expect, a live parrot?" inquired Severus.

"Well, when I bought it at the pet boutique no 'alf an hour ago, the owner assure me it was only resting." said Harry whit a grin, trying hard not to laugh.

"Have you gone off your rocker Potter! It's a bloody stuffed Parrot!" yelled Draco.

"We'll, I wouldn't have been surprised if it _was_ just resting. The boutique owner assured me he was just tired and shagged out. It's a Norwegian Blue by the way… Lovely plumage!" replied Harry, who was red in the face from holding in his laughter.

"What's wrong mate? You seem a bit off. Are you feeling okay?" asked Ron.

"Its ok Ron. Harry the parrot is dead. It was never alive in the fort place. It had been nailed to the cage so the shop owner could trick someone into buying it." said Hermione, playing along.

"Bloody hell, not you too!" squawked Ron.

"Its just pining Hermione! It's pining for the fjords! It misses them dearly I wouldn't bet." said Harry.

"Harry Listen closely, 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If he hadn't been nailed to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!" shouted Hermione.

"Oh well ok then." replied Harry, then proceeded to roll on the floor laughing. He had caught a look at Severus's, Ron's, and Draco's faces. Hermione saw the faces as well and joined him.

"Dear god, I think they have both gone insane." said Draco.

"It could possibly be on of those Money Cobra things." said Ron.

"You mean Monty Python? I would not be surprised seeing as that is the reason we are here in the first place." drawled Severus.

"Yes, it's a Python thing. Man, you all are so deprived. Oh dear… You don't even know the Dead Parrot sketch. Well we'll have to fix that at some point." said Harry, who had finally stopped laughing.

"I'm not sure that is wise. Look what it has done to you." drawled Draco.

"Whatever, are any of you hungry?" asked Harry.

"Sure, you don happen to have any _fresh fruit_, do you?" asked Hermione with an evil glint in her eyes.

"Ah! Where! I'm warning you! I have a tiger!" shouted Harry while cowering in fear.

"I was not aware you were allergic to fruit Mr. Potter." said Severus who, being smart and all, correctly identified this as another 'Python thing'.

"And what's with the bloody tiger?" asked Ron.

"The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that he eats not only the fruit-laden foe but also the fruit. Tigers however do not relish the peach. The peach assailant should be attacked with a crocodile." said Harry with shifty eyes.

"What if you attacked with pointed sticks?" asked Hermione innocently.

"Shut Up!" said Harry.

"Or how about a Dark Lord?" asked Draco.

"He's dead." said Harry. "So, since you are all here… and have never seen Python, excluding you of course Hermione… I say we should all watch some! Hooray!"

Harry then proceeded to drag his friends into the living room and forced them onto the couch. He put Monty Pythons flying circus into the DVD player and showed his friends the two skits he and Hermione had acted out. Needless to say they all loved it. Who wouldn't? It was then decided that _before_ they watched anymore, they should go get everyone else and have a Python Party.

Two hours later, after having successfully hunting down and dragging all of Harry's afore mentioned friends to Harry's house, everyone was gathered around the TV. eagerly awaiting the Monty Python. Everyone wanted to know what was causing Harry to act like a deranged lunatic. Harry put in the first disc of Monty Pythons Flying Circus and pressed play all.

Twenty-two hours and four minutes later Monty Pythons Flying Circus had been watched in its entirety, plus the two extra discs with the episodes in German, Live at Aspen, and Live at Hollywood bowl.

"Anyone ready for more?" asked Harry.

"There's more! Dear Merlin, what have we gotten ourselves into?" wailed Draco.

"You know you liked it." said Hermione.

"Well, yes. Ok play some more." said Draco.

"Okay then, And Now For Something Completely Different." said Harry.

"What! I thought we were watching more Monty Python!" yelled Ron. Harry just shook his head and stuck the DVD into the DVD player, letting the movie explain itself.

Six hours and 37 minutes after that, the group of wizards and witches had seen all of the Monty Python Movies. Fred and George were sitting in the corner of the room whispering to each other. Harry was worried about Severus's health because of that, he was pretty sure he had heard them say something about Snape resembling the black night during Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

"Harry, is that a penguin on the TV?" asked Ron. Everyone cracked up laughing at that comment and tried to explain the penguin to Ron. Apparently he missed that part.

This is where we leave the happy bunch of people. We wouldn't want to intrude on their Python moment anymore than we already have. All I will say is this, watch out! Monty Python is out and on a rampage through the wizarding world.


End file.
